I read a great article today about how we need to stop focusing on all the things we don't do and instead focus on the "little drops of awesome"...the small things in life that we do well. The article really resonated with me, so I am making a goal/resolution, what ever you want to call it, to focus on what I do do, and not where I think I fail. I started today. Here are a few I came up with:

I'm awesome because I put makeup on AND fixed my hair in something other than a pony tail.
I'm awesome because I washed my sheets.
I am awesome because I walked Paige to the bus, kissed her and blew Jackson a kiss (he was already on the bus) to make up for the rough morning he and I had.
I am awesome because I finished washing, folded AND put away all the laundry (miracle).
I am awesome because I cleaned up the kitchen, vacuumed and mopped the floor.
I am awesome because I went to Kohls and Target and returned some things and found some cute and cheap trees for the kids next Christmas.
I am awesome because I made homemade black bean soup and cornbread for dinner.
I am awesome because I snuggled my kids into bed tonight.
I am awesome because I did my gospel study today.
I am awesome because I edited Bennett's birthday pictures.
I am awesome because I got all of the trash and recycling from the last two weeks taken out.
I am awesome because I hung all the hooks on my new coat holder.

It sounds really braggy to put it all in writing, but on a usual day, I would not have focused on ANY of that stuff. It would have been all about my failures and the things I wanted or felt like I should have done. I hope this is something that I can keep up. It really did a lot to boost my spirits today to feel like I was not a failure.

It's been a while!

The kids start back at school tomorrow. I was sad that their break was so short until today and now I am ready to have them back. My house is in a state of disarray and they get bored, watch too much tv, argue. It is good for them to have some structure. Jackson has been struggling with some of his classmates and it makes me wish I could rescue him from it, but Douglas reminds me that it is good for him?? and it will help him learn to get along with people better. I wish I could be a fly on the wall in his classroom to see what is going on. I am not thrilled with his teacher and I feel like she makes mountains out of molehills. He told me that she made some comment about him having a "big head". Maybe she said it in jest, but it still really bugged me when he told me that. I need to have a conference with her and discuss a few things. I think Jackson ends up with a lot of downtime in class and I don't know if he finds many productive things to do. 

Anyway, I wasn't planning on starting out with that. Whew...We had a really nice Christmas. The kids didn't get out of school until the Friday before Christmas, so I felt like it was a little of a rush to get anything fun done before the big day. Douglas and I got a sitter on Friday night so that we could go and pick up some last minute Christmas things...stocking stuffers etc. On the way, we decided that we were going to get Paige a different Santa gift. She had asked for something early on, but soon after decided that she wanted a Barbie cruise ship. I kept thinking she would go back to the original plan, but she was not budging. I was feeling anxiety about the whole things and so we finally decided to just go with it and get the Barbie cruise ship. So, we ran to Costco and picked one up. Luckily they were marked down too!! She was THRILLED on Christmas morning. Just how she should have been! Jackson had asked for a new handheld gaming system, but they are expensive and we felt like he really didn't need a new one, so he got the #2 thing on his list...an "atomic coaster" which is a big roller coaster that he builds himself. He was happy with it and still working on building it. Bennett got a little push bike. His feel don't quite reach the floor yet, but he likes to be pushed on it and will push it around by the handlebars.

We had a nice Christmas eve and had our next door neighbors and the missionaries come over for dinner. We had a nice, quiet evening with really yummy food! The kids found the PJ's that the elves left for them and got dressed up for the night. Jackson had told us early in the day that he wanted to go to bed then so he could wake up and have it be Christmas. Kids make Christmas so much more magical.

Christmas day was busy with laundry and packing, We left early on the 26th to drive out to George and DeEtte's house to visit. It was a little crazy and I left my house in shambles, which I hate to do, but it couldn't be avoided. I am still recovering! We left early that morning and drove to Georgia. Little did we know that there were some major storms and our trip got extended by a good three hours. It was pretty miserable for the first half of the trip. We finally stopped for lunch, along with all the other drivers on the road, at McDonalds. It was PACKED. It took over an hour just to order and get our food. The line for the bathroom was out the door. The weather was horrible all the way into the parking lot. We finally decided to just eat in the car, so we packed by up and got on the freeway. The weirdest thing was that the other side of the freeway was clear. There was snow on the sides, but no snow on the road at all. It really was bizarre because just 100 feet behind the roads were horrible. We are still not sure what made the difference, but boy, were we glad. The rest of the trip was smooth sailing and we arrived just in time for smoked turkey and all the fixins. Douglas' older sisters and brother Dave were all there with their families which was so much fun!

We had a pretty relaxing time in Georgia. One day we took the kids to the kids museum for the morning. Jackson has pretty much outgrown it and Bennett was all over the place, until I realized they had a toddler area. He loved the kiddie shopping carts and pushed them all around. After the museum we all went to lunch at The Varsity, which is a really old fast food place. 

The rest of the time I ran a few errands (found jeans for Jackson for $10 a pair...he was in desperate need!!), took Paige on the carousel at the mall and the American Girl Doll store, and just sat around and enjoyed not doing much. I ate too much and moved too little. Now that we are home, I need to get serious about eating better! Every Christmas season I tell myself that I am going to be better and I start out that way, but by the end of the holiday season, junk food is more or less my breakfast, lunch and dinner.

DeEtte got the stomach flu while we were there and then our niece Mia got it. Inevitable, Sunday morning, as we were packing to leave, Bennett started throwing up. We put him down for a nap and hemmed and hawed as to whether we should just go, or wait for him to improve. We decided to go, and with little food on the trip besides crackers and applesauce, he did fine. We are so glad we left when we did because that night both Jackson and Paige got sick, all night long and then next morning Douglas got it. It didn't last long, luckily, but it was messy while they had it. I thought Bennett had gotten over his, but Tuesday morning he threw up after his milk and had diarrhea and today it was more of that. Yuck!! And, I have no more good diapers. I bought some cheapies while I wait for my shipment to arrive and let me tell you, there is a huge difference!!

We had a great snowstorm on Monday and it covered everything in a blanket of white. The kids were so excited to go play in it, but I made them wait until yesterday. They enlisted the 12 year old girl next door and played outside all morning long. Then, Douglas took them sledding in the afternoon. They loved it. I stayed behind because Bennett wasn't feeling great. Since we weren't able to celebrate the new year the night before because of all the sickies, we had banana splits, played games and the kids slept by the fire.They loved it.

I am not looking forward to January. I have kind of been struggling with a little depression the past two months and January doesn't seem to promising for this. I try to stay busy. I try to get enough sleep and the rest, I guess I will deal with as it comes. I am yet to meet someone I really gel with and that it hard. I am trying, but I have to admit that sometimes I feel like I don't want to try anymore. I have learned though that friends don't just fall in your lap, you have to work really hard for them. It is hard being lonely though and I often yearn for my Santa Clara days that were so comfortable. Given the opportunity, both of us would move back in a heartbeat, but that is not what life is providing us right now. So, I guess I will try and bloom where I am planted and we will see how that goes.

Douglas and I spent some time trimming out the entry way while he was off over the Christmas break. That was fun and it looks great. I still need to paint it, but can't muster up the desire/energy to do it yet. Jackson turns eight next month and I am excited to plan for his baptism. I need to go out and find him a little suit and take some pictures so I can make an invitation. We will have both sets of grandparents there, but I think that is it. That is okay though. I like to be surrounded by people I know and feel comfortable with. I want to put together a few "crafty" things for it, but I have a tendency to plan things and not always execute them!

I also want to make some bedding for Bennett's crib. Poor kid still has pink liners in all the baskets. I thought I had kept the original blue ones, but they are no where to be found. I don't know if this project will materialize. How nice would it be if money grew on trees??

I also plan to finish organizing the basement. Man, that has been such a chore. Yikes. I finally got my pantry and dishes organized down there and just yesterday organized all of my holiday decor. I am trying to carve out a little crafting "nook" so I can easily work on projects, sew etc. It is kind of cold down there right now, but I figure it is manageable with my space heater. There are no outlets down there right now, so Douglas will figure that out for me. We shall see. I would like to have a place where I can easily be creative.