I made a goal to be in bed by 11pm this week. Doesn't seem early to you? It is for me. Baby steps, my friends. I got in bed at 9pm and have been on this silly thing since then. I still have 25 minutes.
Douglas popped an Ambien and has been sawing logs for a while now. He has to be pretty asleep to be okay with my typing. Watch, now that I said that, he will wake up and tell me to turn it off. His machine (breathing machine for his apnea) is making an annoying squeaking noise. He is getting up at 4:30am to study though so I will sleep with a pillow on my head and let it go. I'm nice like that.
My hubby and I are cut from different sleeping molds. There is little to nothing that convinces me to get up at such an insane time. A crying baby, maybe, but since we don't have one, I try to enjoy my peaceful slumber. You know what happens is that my alarm would go off and whatever seemed so important to get up for, would no longer seem so important.
I got a tetanus shot this week. I needed the booster. The shot itself didn't hurt, but my arm has ached and throbbed all week. I didn't remember tetanus shots being so horrible. My other arm even started aching, but just in sympathy, I think.
This was one of those weekends were I really question the whole parenting gig and then wonder what is wrong with me that I sometimes just really don't enjoy being a mother. Don't tell anyone I said that. I love my kids dearly, but I could do without the fighting, bickering, crying, backtalking blah blah blah that goes along with the profession. And really, what would it be like to be able to run in and run out of a store with no car seat to buckle and unbuckle. Boring, I'm sure.
So, I have re-goaled myself to enjoy my job this week. To love my kids more and to get more sleep (because there is a little part of me that thinks that a lack of sleep may contribute to the previous complaint.) I even, just might have, fasted for this. Really, I need that much help. Please tell me I am not alone though. Please.
Talking about professions...I have NO desire to market myself. I don't really want to work right now. Life is a little crazy and I am enjoying the lessened stress from not having to hit the streets running and find clients who will pay me boocoo bucks for pictures. Being a wife and a mom is really enough right now. Not that I would turn down work if it knocked on my door, but I am enjoying the easy life. HA. The day will come when the pocketbook says it is time to put my nose to the grindstone and work, work, work, but not now.
I have been kinda lonely this week and end. Yeah. Just missing friends, family, normal life, or at least the normal I knew. Not that I question being here. This is right, no doubt. But not easy.
I haven't even decorated for Halloween and I don't really want to. Maybe I am pouting. I think I will force myself to get a few things out. My kids would love it and since I am trying to be a good mom, it would make sense.
Haven't put away the groceries from LAST WEDNESDAY. Well, the perishables are, but the rest sits in bags on the basement floor waiting to be put in my makeshift pantry. Slowly I am using it all though, so maybe putting it away isn't entirely necessary, right? Paige can use it in her play kitchen too.
Really it fits right in with the state of my house right now. The dishes are done, but that it about it. There are random things everywhere. Tomorrow is the day to whip this place in order. The sad thing, though is that the whipping in order lasts such a short time and then it is a mess again. (insert heavy sigh here).
Well, I am down to 10 minutes. It was warm today (low 80's), the windows are open, but the air is still. It may be a hot night...temperature wise (wink wink). Wow, and obviously it is getting too late for me to be up. Until next time....
**EDITED TO ADD--when I finally did empty my grocery sacks I found two pounds of lunch meat that got overlooked. Guess next time I will get it done a bit sooner? Nah.**
5 comments:
You're definitely not alone on the kid thing! (who thought it was a good idea for me to get knocked up again). I too have been saying this week I will be a nicer mom. We'll see how that goes. I'm glad that your house isn't the only one that is a mess....aaaghhh! Better get busy!
Part of my fast might have also been to be a better parent. I totally hear you on the mom thing. Lately I have been a total failure and really it just makes me want to cry and then maybe run away. But I won't. My goal is to be better. To be more patient and loving. I'm in this for the long haul...
Tetanus shots do hurt! I can still remember when I got my last one. Which reminds me, I am probably due for another one. Yuck!
Good luck on getting your house clean. I have no motivation this morning. Like you said, it just gets dirty again!
So how am I supposed to remember when my last tetanus shot was? I'm sure I'm way past overdue for mine. Guess I'll add that to the ever growing to-do list.
You & I, we were cut from the same mold when it comes to sleeping & staying up late. I can TOTALLY relate.
I'm so glad you said out loud (at least typed it out loud) that sometimes being a mother flat out SUCKS! I am not brave enough to say it, but I do totally think that, A LOT. Heaven help us all to have more patience & love for our kids.
Glad you are not HAVING to get out there and work too much. You have needed this time to get used to life in a new area & not have to worry about neglecting the kids while you work. Enjoy it while you can right? ;)
Your comment about it being a "hot" night made me laugh out loud! Close your windows next time when it is "that" kind of a "hot" night would ya?!! Geez!! We can hear you all the way over here!!! ;)
Your not putting groceries away rivals my not folding Levis--just leave them in the dryer, eventually people will need to wear them, get them out and *viola* I didn't have to fold that batch....I'm kind of a genius like that.
yeah, this whole mom gig . . . not sure why I signed up for it somedays. its pretty much is the hardest thing ever in the whole wide world. and sometimes I just feel numb, not even sad, there are just no more tears left to cry. alright, enough of my moping. how did the applesauce turn out?
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